I think I'm going crazy, so I'll keep this short. If what I'm worried about is finally happening, and you got the memo I left on my phone, then the right person is reading this letter. I know we haven't... communicated a lot. Sometimes I'm not even sure you're real. But I know that these things are happening, and... And I've finally learned that this... thing, that happens, it's not going anywhere. That the two parts connect. I guess I've tried and failed to run from it. So this is a plea, from me to you. These are my groundrules. Please, please follow them.
1. Keep Ozzi safe.
Non-negotiable. This is priority #1. I don't know what kind of person you are, but I hope you'll understand this.
2. Field reports.
So, uh. Please leave a letter inside the gun safe detailing everything that happened, so that I know what you (we?) were up to for the last seven days. Don't leave out anything, even if it's... strange. Well, of coure it's strange, I'm writing a letter to myself. Names, faces, license plates, every piece of information is valuable. This should go without saying if I'm not experiencing some kind of psychosis, but. I know you're around for only a week at a time, but for me, this is a week that I don't know what happens to my son. Forget my life, it's 7 days I don't have with Ozzi. Something tells me you understand how fucking terrifying that can be.
God, please say I'm not a supervillain.
3. No damages to personal (or public) property.
No's to personal (because we... don't really have a lot of stuff, in case you haven't noticed?) and public (because that would be vandalism?) destruction should go without saying. Please, please try and keep a low profile and avoid damaging anything in the apartment too. Most of this stuff is not ours and we uh, have some money, I guess, but it's not like. Wow! Oligarch money! You know?
4. Cease illegal activities and/or vigilantism.
Okay. The part that makes me the most nauseous after #1. Look, here's the skinny: I am a field agent with the FBI. I repeat, I am a federal employee. Please don't do anything illegal. It's highly likely you'll need to go to work as me, so inside the gun safe is a USB with current cases on it. Study, please. I have a good memory, but I'm not sure if you do; there are also pictures and basic information on co-workers so you can keep up the... Lie? Ruse? Plot? Swindle? Oh my god what is happening to me. You uh, might have noticed my gun is also in the safe, because it is a gun safe. DO NOT USE THIS UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. I don't know if you know anything about guns, but I know about guns. I repeat: DO NOT USE UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY, AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING.
5. Superpowers(?) clause.
Dahlia said... some crazy things. And Jake has this arm all the time. And, God, that is only the beginning of this weird city. So I just need you to know that this whole, superpowers... whatever. I don't know, how does that work? How does any of it work? I mean... I know what a Spider-Man is. Are we like Spider-Man? Oh my God, I'm asking myself questions in a letter I'm never going to read, hi Future-Jamie who realizes what a crazy thing this is and decided to clean out her old gun safe, remember when you thought you were losing time because you were turning into another person for a week at a time?
Right now, please just keep a low profile. We need to come up with plans and escape routes and contingency plans, I know, and that's what I'm tring to do by writing this. If, or when, something comes up? We can figure out what works the best. For both of us.